"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

The Benedictine Rules, Christian Parenting, and Fatherhood

250px-Heiligenkreuz_St__BenedictThe Christian Father and the Rule of Saint Benedict

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Rule of Saint Benedict (Regula Benedicti) is a book of precepts written by St. Benedict of Nursia (c.480–547) for monks living communally under the authority of an abbot. Since about the 7th century it has also been adopted by communities of women. During the 1500 years of its existence, it has become the leading guide in Western Christianity for monastic living in community.

The spirit of St. Benedict’s Rule is summed up in the motto of the Benedictine Confederation: pax (“peace”) and the traditional ora et labora (“pray and work”).

Many Christians have written about how the Rule of Saint Benedict is an excellent guidebook and interpreter of the Biblical teachings on fatherhood.  Several authors have noted that if you substitute “Christian father” for “Abbot” in Chapter II of the Benedictine Rule you have an excellent treatise on how to be an effective Christian father.  For convenience we have modified the excerpt below by substituting “Christian father” for “Abbot,” and “family” for “monastery, and “children” for “disciple.”

CHAPTER II
What Kind of Man the Christian father Ought to Be

The Christian father who is worthy to be over a family, ought always to be mindful of what he is called, and make his works square with his name of Superior. For he is believed to hold the place of Christ in the family, when he is called by his name, according to the saying of the Apostle: “You have received the spirit of adoption of sons, whereby we cry Abba (Father)” (Rom 8:15). Therefore, the Christian fathert should never teach, prescribe, or command (which God forbid) anything contrary to the laws of the Lord; but his commands and teaching should be instilled like a leaven of divine justice into the minds of his children.

Let the Christian father always bear in mind that he must give an account in the dread judgment of God of both his own teaching and of the obedience of his children. And let the Christian father know that whatever lack of profit the master of the house shall find in the sheep, will be laid to the blame of the shepherd. On the other hand he will be blameless, if he gave all a shepherd’s care to his restless and unruly flock, and took all pains to correct their corrupt manners; so that their shepherd, acquitted at the Lord’s judgment seat, may say to the Lord with the Prophet: “I have not hid Thy justice within my heart. I have declared Thy truth and Thy salvation” (Ps 39[40]:11). “But they contemning have despised me” (Is 1:2; Ezek 20:27). Then at length eternal death will be the crushing doom of the rebellious sheep under his charge.

When, therefore, anyone taketh the name of Christian father he should govern his children by a twofold teaching; namely, he should show them all that is good and holy by his deeds more than by his words; explain the commandments of God to intelligent children by words, but show the divine precepts to the dull and simple by his works. And let him show by his actions, that whatever he teacheth his children as being contrary to the law of God must not be done, “lest perhaps when he hath preached to others, he himself should become a castaway” (1 Cor 9:27), and he himself committing sin, God one day say to him: “Why dost thou declare My justices, and take My covenant in thy mouth? But thou hast hated discipline, and hast cast My words behind thee” (Ps 49[50]:16-17). And: “Thou who sawest the mote in thy brother’s eye, hast not seen the beam in thine own” (Mt 7:3).

Let him make no distinction of persons in the home. Let him not love one more than another, unless it be one whom he findeth more exemplary in good works and obedience. Let not a free-born be preferred to a freedman, unless there be some other reasonable cause. But if from a just reason the Christian father deemeth it proper to make such a distinction, he may do so in regard to the rank of anyone whomsoever; otherwise let everyone keep his own place; for whether bond or free, we are all one in Christ (cf Gal 3:28; Eph 6:8), and we all bear an equal burden of servitude under one Lord, “for there is no respect of persons with God” (Rom 2:11). We are distinguished with Him in this respect alone, if we are found to excel others in good works and in humility. Therefore, let him have equal charity for all, and impose a uniform discipline for all according to merit.

For in his teaching the Christian father should always observe that principle of the Apostle in which he saith: “Reprove, entreat, rebuke” (2 Tm 4:2), that is, mingling gentleness with severity, as the occasion may call for, let him show the severity of the master and the loving affection of a father. He must sternly rebuke the undisciplined and restless; but he must exhort the obedient, meek, and patient to advance in virtue. But we charge him to rebuke and punish the negligent and haughty. Let him not shut his eyes to the sins of evil-doers; but on their first appearance let him do his utmost to cut them out from the root at once, mindful of the fate of Heli, the priest of Silo (cf 1 Samuel 2:11-4:18). The well-disposed and those of good understanding, let him correct at the first and second admonition only with words; but let him chastise the wicked and the hard of heart, and the proud and disobedient at the very first offense with stripes and other bodily punishments, knowing that it is written: “The fool is not corrected with words” (Prov 29:19). And again: “Strike thy son with the rod, and thou shalt deliver his soul from death” (Prov 23:14).

The Christian father ought always to remember what he is and what he is called, and to know that to whom much hath been entrusted, from him much will be required; and let him understand what a difficult and arduous task he assumeth in governing souls and accommodating himself to a variety of characters. Let him so adjust and adapt himself to everyone—to one gentleness of speech, to another by reproofs, and to still another by entreaties, to each one according to his bent and understanding—that he not only suffer no loss in his flock, but may rejoice in the increase of a worthy fold.

Above all things, that the Christian father may not neglect or undervalue the welfare of the souls entrusted to him, let him not have too great a concern about fleeting, earthly, perishable things; but let him always consider that he hath undertaken the government of souls, of which he must give an account. And that he may not perhaps complain of the want of earthly means, let him remember what is written: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His justice, and all these things shall be added unto you” (Mt 6:33). And again: “There is no want to them that fear Him” (Ps 33[34]:10). And let him know that he who undertaketh the government of souls must prepare himself to give an account for them; and whatever the number of brethren he hath under his charge, let him be sure that on judgment day he will, without doubt, have to give an account to the Lord for all these souls, in addition to that of his own. And thus, whilst he is in constant fear of the Shepherd’s future examination about the sheep entrusted to him, and is watchful of his account for others, he is made solicitous also on his own account; and whilst by his admonitions he had administered correction to others, he is freed from his own failings.

Benedict writes a great deal about discipline in his Benedictine Rule.  He believed that that the approach to take while disciplining depended greatly on the character of the one that was being disciplined and their state of heart. Benedict believed that “the shameless, the thick-skinned and the proud or disobedient” should be disciplined with “the corporal punishment of blows, bearing in mind what is written, ‘The fool is not corrected by words’ and ‘Strike your son with the rod and you will deliver his soul from death.'”  But “the obedient, the meek and the patient” he should correct only with “verbal admonitions,” “entreat[ing them] to go forward in virtue.” The abbot “must show the tough attitude of a master, and also the loving affection of a father.”

The Christian father should not resort to exclusively to corporal punishment. Physical punishment is suitable for those irrational acts of disobedience where the child’s passions have gained rule over his mind and spirit. Where the nature has rebelled against God’s authority through willful or foolish misconduct the blows of the rod will tend to deliver from the evil of an unrepentant heart and the ruin and damnation that my be in consequence..

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